I have been struggling with some deeply difficult circumstances and have been seeing my own selfishness magnified. I needed to step back from blogging (both reading and writing, though I never wrote very often).

Reading Margaret’s conversion story over at Cats & Pomegranates has me thinking about why I became Orthodox. Prayers have kept me Orthodox, as well, I’m sure. I suppose I became Orthodox because I believed I could find truth where I saw all that beauty. But I needed to be Orthodox for the aforementioned struggle…so that I could have my sins placed right before me, so that I could not escape them. It is all too easy to escape the reality of our sins, is it not? I was very comfortable being very busy, sentimentally Orthodox, but not really living Orthodoxy.

Margaret’s words of wisdom regarding the different, but equal, roles for men and women have me thinking about why it’s so damn hard to be a woman today. We are constantly bombarded by different messages and we’re pressured to fall into one of the extreme categories of women. You are either a feminist superwoman or you’d better have your skirt scraping the ground along with the ends of your hair. I am not either of these women. Mentioning to others that I might leave my job to homeschool has led to audible gasping from family and friends who consider it the greatest sin to not be sitting in your cubicle contemplating obtaining your MBA while figuring out how to pay your nanny as little as possible. Maybe this sounds harsh, but I’m really tired of it all.

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